"Vision: The Way God Sees It" - TJ's First Sermon - March 4th 2012

Hey everybody!

Kinda excited about this post. "Preached" my first sermon this morning, and I recorded the audio for it. I'm no preacha, but maybe someone will wanna listen... *shrug* LOL

For your convenience, here are links to the verses mentioned during my message: Proverbs 29:18 1 Corinthians 2 Jeremiah 1:5 John 20:24-29

Constructive criticism, please...I can take it! LOL
I apologize if the audio isn't loud enough. For some reason, I get all quiet and stuff behind the mic...


"Vision: The Way God Sees It" - TJ's First Sermon - March 4th 2012

I Can...

So how about I tell you guys about my day:

- My day started with my oral communication class. Had to get up and give a 3 to 5 min. speech basically introducing myself to the class. This didn't actually go too bad, but next time I get in front of the classroom, remind me not to drink coffee before hand. #JitteryMess

- Following that, I went to chapel service today, which featured the beginning of our three-day campus revival. Dr. Nathan Cothen spoke from 1 John 2:15-17 using the subject “I don't love you anymore”, you being the "livelihood left behind after giving one's life to Christ”.  I would say that it was a very riveting message, a message hit me right in the gut. And not in a good way. Conviction? Shame? Failed expectations of self? All of the above.

- Then there was some reading for my next class that I had to rush to complete, and a midterm in another class to finish studying for during that class.

- Then there was… That midterm. Sigh…

Needless to say, as I drove home from New Orleans today, I sat in my usual introspective silence. I usually do a lot of thinking on my way home from school but today… I don't know… Just wasn't feeling good at all. In fact, the events of today were a painful reminder to self that in many things and in many ways, I JUST NEED TO DO BETTER. For the record, this blog has made many a note of how self-critical I am. But today, I was just disgusted.

(Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can calm down now LOL)

I was fortunate enough to read an e-mail list that I subscribe to - a daily nugget of encouragement that is offered by a life coach that I follow on twitter. The thought for the day is “hold on, press forward, and know that you can do this”. Just what the doctor ordered. (Thanks, Stephanie)

I will have more speeches to deliver for my class. I can work on implementing discipline academically so that I don't put myself in the binds that I put myself in today. Furthermore, I can even forgive myself for not being perfect; for that matter, I can forgive myself for even trying to be. God's grace is sufficient so that I am afforded another opportunity to improve spiritually, mentally, physically. So Thalyn, since it's really NOT the end of the world, next time you start feeling like this, do yourself a favor and shake it off (and do so as quickly as possible).

I can...

Taking Authority

Ah… the first blog of 2012. My first real outpour of thoughts since April of last year. It’s been too long.

I’ve entered into a new year and new season with new opportunities before me. I anxiously await, for starters, New Student Orientation at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary on the 12^th and 13^th of this month; and I don’t use the word “anxiously” lightly. I delayed the completion of my application until the last few weeks before the deadline due to my wrestling back and forth with the idea of seminary. Even though seminary for me has seemed like an eventual goal of mine, I never imagined going into it as a 23 year old in pursuit of a Bachelor’s degree. I’ve had to withstand thoughts that I am unworthy/unclean for such a humbling task, but as I’ve been told by many, if I were to wait until I were ready to pursue something, I would remain stagnant, which I’ve already done for far too long. God opened a door for me to not only re-continue my education but to grow in (as my pastor would say) Kingdom knowledge. Some people around me have applauded this new decision and new path I decided on, while others have “justified concern” about whether or not this is my decision or was this influenced heavily by my family. At the end of the day, this whole process has taught me to be bold in living for myself.

It has been time for me to grow up in take charge over my purpose in life. I have, however, allowed myself to procrastinate, be afraid of either making the wrong decision, and/or failure. These things have kept me behind in my own timeline of where I “planned to be” at this point in my life, and for the longest, I held this against myself and beat myself up because of it. I have been reminded by many that if I hold onto the past, I will never achieve the things God has for me, nor for that matter, the things I expect of myself. I think my last post on Facebook of 2011 summarizes what I must do to combat this:

My goal for 2012, as suggested to me by a reliable friend, is to “live it”. (Selah)

LOL, I think that phrase needed its own space. Life for many of us is often so BUSY, that we forget to simply live it. (I'll say amen for that!) I for one, have been busy with trying to “get there”, as in trying to get back on my feet academically, financially, and everything else in between. Along with that, I sometimes seek too much outside help, cluttering my mind, when I should instead trust the voice within. I aim to put a stop to that this year. Time to learn some independence for a change.

On a lighter note, I've also gained 15 pounds. Well, maybe 20. Yikes! I need to get back to being sexy. Stay tuned! LOL

As you can see, I have a few concrete, obtainable goals for this new year.  (I'm sure you do, as well.) Only with diligence will I carry them out successfully. It won't be easy, but that's normal. It's time to make it happen anyway. #TakingAuthority

Hindrance

One day, I will be delivered from my preoccupation with the thoughts of other people.

Soon.

Amen.

Thin Ice...

As the season changes and things get warmer outside, for some reason, I'm chilly. Frigid, even.

I've mentally retreated from the fresh sunshine and the budding greenery all around me. It's all beautiful, but the sight of it has not uplifted me. Not yet, at least.

Not myself right now. I'm cold.

My body is here. Mind? Displaced. In the Arctic desert. Strolling. Meandering.

I know my way back to safety. Just have to look to the light.

I have wandered off too far, however. The congealed ground beneath me has begun to part.

HELP!

Who am I kidding...I'm the only one out here. Sound advice rejected. Former friends have neglected.

So what do I do now?

Out here on thin ice. Hoping not to fall into the void caused from struggles within.

What if I fall? Walk on water? Keep swimming?

Can't sink. I just can't.

I need instinct to kick in. To save me. To rescue me.

That's what I get for wandering on thin ice. I thought the silence would be refreshing, but...

I'm lonely, instead.

Man was not meant to be alone. Where is my neighbor?

Rejection is Hard...

I was summarizing my night at the karaoke bar to a friend of mine.

I told him about a friend that was trying to play "love connector". Truth be told, I was appreciative of his efforts, for he just wanted to see me happy(er). Somewhere in my head, however, I thought there was no point, but I let him play his role. When it was brought to my attention that both people he whispered to (on my behalf) said that I "wasn't their type", I reminded myself and my friend that I told him he did not have to say or do ANYTHING. I was pissed, to say the least. Men definitely can't handle when their egos take a blow. Maybe my low expectations caused my own denial (but I don't feel like debating myself right now).

Anyways...after I told this to my other friend, here's how the convo went:

Him: "Yeah, rejection is hard."

Me: "And I avoid rejection by staying 'shy'."

Him: "It's a part of life, though."

Me: "I know. I'm just not strong enough to bear it right now. Or maybe, I just don't want to."

After I texted this, I was taken aback at what I'd said. I think I've gotten to the bottom of my recent wuss moments. Avoiding rejection...staying safe...it appears that my holding back is holding me back...not just on the dating scene, but with everything else I have going on. The fix for this problem is a work-in-progress. To be continued...

Airplane Thoughts, Part 2

(Tuesday, January 4, 2010)

So...about this past New Year's weekend...

Making this trip was one of the better life decisions I've made (understatement). Until the level of friendship I have in my hometown matches that of which I have travelled to, it will be necessary for me to travel at least once per quarter, if not more. I am grateful that my abased income has allowed me to travel as much as I have. I count my blessings on a daily basis, and having good people in my life-near and far-ranks high with me. I can say that they have been worth every investment I have made, be it of time and/or finances.

So...about this past New Year's weekend...

I have made note of the investments requisite for me to make this year. I have thought about it, visualized it, and weighed out the pros and cons. What's left? Execution. The simple part. The laborious part. The necessary part. School, occupation, career, residence, location, fitness, self-image are some of the things I'm working on. I will not make the mistake some have made and call these "New Year's Resolutions", you know, those augmentations to life folk like to make that do not make it to February, totally disparaging the word itself.

To be called resolute means that you are both staunch and steadfast, emphasis here being on character and a firm adherence to your own goals and purposes.

So much for a resolution if you aren't resolute.