I was summarizing my night at the karaoke bar to a friend of mine.
I told him about a friend that was trying to play "love connector". Truth be told, I was appreciative of his efforts, for he just wanted to see me happy(er). Somewhere in my head, however, I thought there was no point, but I let him play his role. When it was brought to my attention that both people he whispered to (on my behalf) said that I "wasn't their type", I reminded myself and my friend that I told him he did not have to say or do ANYTHING. I was pissed, to say the least. Men definitely can't handle when their egos take a blow. Maybe my low expectations caused my own denial (but I don't feel like debating myself right now).
Anyways...after I told this to my other friend, here's how the convo went:
Him: "Yeah, rejection is hard."
Me: "And I avoid rejection by staying 'shy'."
Him: "It's a part of life, though."
Me: "I know. I'm just not strong enough to bear it right now. Or maybe, I just don't want to."
After I texted this, I was taken aback at what I'd said. I think I've gotten to the bottom of my recent wuss moments. Avoiding rejection...staying safe...it appears that my holding back is holding me back...not just on the dating scene, but with everything else I have going on. The fix for this problem is a work-in-progress. To be continued...
